米奇·赫贝格 英文名言(3)

米奇·赫贝格 英文名言（3）

Mitch Hedberg

   

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

 The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a

wall.

 I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

 I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

 I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

 I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which

way it's coming.

 I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

 Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

 I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

 You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They

don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

 Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

 When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

 I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

 I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good

and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.